Beyond Reach
An attempt to understand feelings
This post is an attempt to monitor my feelings and their impact on regular days.
This post has a purpose. This is something that I deal with on an ongoing basis. Emotional highs and lows are just part of being me. The problem is that my feelings are quite disconnected with reality. In my mind, if I get it right, this regular day stuff will minimize the impact of this disconnection between my feelings and reality).
The realization that I am doing everything completely wrong has hit me. Perhaps it is all just in my head. The regular day has broken down for me, leaving me feeling incomplete and broken. Normally I try to ignore my tendency to highs and lows, that is what the regular day was supposed to fix. I allowed myself to become blinded with optimism and hope. Understandable because this time I was actually trying to head in a direction.
Today is 05/01/2024 at 5:00am
Yesterday was no better or worse than most days, yet I had a strong emotional storm for a lack of a better description. I guess this one was pretty dark, even at work a coworker was concerned that I was sick. The truth is I have been fighting this feeling for a while, and it finally caught up to me. My life strategy, when those dark thoughts creep in has been to overcompensate and deny the feeling. This works for mild cases that run for a short term, however if the dark feelings are extended, it leads me to a place where I over compensate and bounce around in a happy place to the point of exhaustion. Still feeling gloomy this morning, just admitting that seems to make it ok.
That moment of discovery. It is pretty normal for me to feel down on occasion. What I noticed this time is that the slow pace at work was aggravating those feelings of uselessness doubt and pain. There was a surge of demand on me at work yesterday. Looking at the details, as high priority objectives kept piling up I realized that the pace at work was sucking the life from my soul. Tracking this over time might give me some insight on how the regular day can help me out. Today I need to take notice of the pace and how I feel. Right now I have to remind myself of a principle: observation can skew data. How to compensate for that fact? After all I am trying to be the observer and the data source. Taking that into account will be important during this time of observation. It will be hard to do things the way I always do them without changing the process and outcomes due to some insight gained from observation.
Today is 05/03/2024 at 4:00am
Amazing how fast my mood turned around yesterday. As I said, observation can impact or skew the data, maybe that is what I experienced yesterday. I will try to break down how it went. I am in the habit of arriving at work very early (note to self that will make a great chapter in my book). It is springtime here and rain is very common, for some reason there is a particular rain that elevates my mood. Not a wild storm, or a few drops that just messes up your windshield, but a steady rain with a few sparks of thunder and lighting. As I walked toward the building, smiling on the inside perhaps on the outside, two ducks were playing and chasing each other around. Ducks also tend to elevate my mood. 
That sudden surge of work from yesterday, tamed and under control. Yesterday, I was thinking oh no, I have flipped from sad to happy way to fast, but the truth is the day had a great start and as long as nothing too horrible happened from the mood vector it was going to be a good day. What made the difference? The reality of the day? Actually paying attention to my mood?
Continued observation is called for, proceeding with caution.
Today is 05/06/2024 at 3:51am
Continuing review. Friday was a bit of a turn around. Mood slumped, things become a bit of a struggle. That sense of confidence was gone, the work load had tapered off. Looking at the nature of the work that had piled up, it was a series of familiar easy tasks. My expectation Friday was that things would get better. The weekend carrier over with a fairly stable mood a bit dark but it was not so bad as it was on 04/30/2024. I will admit there was a lack of motivation over the weekend.
The reality was after catching up the stuff that really needed to be address was left. Now I am left with the question: "What is the role of mood?"
The data was indeed skewed. I was paying attention to my mood, and found that it was too extreme one direction. The realization that things were not "bad" resulted in an overcompensation in the other direction. My purpose here was not to analyze just observe. Here I go drawing conclusions based on too small a data set.
Today is 05/07/2024 at 5:03am
Yesterday was mixed moods. In review it was pretty simple. I was hungry, very hungry. My diet is not great, but I don't usually feel hungry mostly due to the use and abuse of coffee and cigarettes. Those are very good at masking the symptoms associated with hunger. I think yesterday I pushed the limits of how well those work. I was moody because I was hungry, the snacks in the vending machine increased again. Ok, so yesterday I was frustrated and distracted and a bit angry. I am starting to wonder about the impact of my eating habits are having on my regular days. I still think it is best to burn off most of what you take in with activity during the day. That is my theory on diet so far. Looks like I did not take into account the impact of diet on mood. Underestimate its impact at your peril.
Today is 05/10/2024 at 5:43am
Something I learned a long time ago. Once in a while circumstance will line up and things will not go they way they should. It is amazing how different people react to that situation. Most folks take it in stride and understand that even the best cooperative endeavor will fall apart from time to time. Yesterday a situation like that happened. Now back on track, the impact on my mood. Running short on time this morning, I will simplify, confused, disappointed, angry, and then when I realized this circumstance was not going to go reasonably well, surrender. I think this time I waited too long to recognize the real problem surrender was the correct feeling all along.
Today is 05/14/2024 at 4:39am
How much of emotional instability is actually caused by diet? Another factor that has become apparent. When my assumptions are challenged, it effects my mood. Sometimes with anger. It does not seem to matter if my assumption was right or wrong, the challenge is what puts me on guard. Ok, maybe that is natural, after all it is good to defend yourself when you are in the right. If you are wrong, and you have to back down from your position it makes you feel weak and opens you to attack.
This is another discovery that I have made. I get moody when I encounter inflexibility even when it makes good since. This one creeps in on me more often than I care to admit. When the castle is defended by the eye of needle and elephants arrive what should be done? How much should the larger community (outside the walled city) bare the presence of the elephants.
Today is 05/15/2024 at 5:13am
The discovery that I was spending a lot of time reacting to symptoms of problems instead of solving problems occurred to me this morning. Yes my diet has a lot to do with my mood, and yes I let things pile up to the point of being unbearable. My mood is NOT the problem it is just a symptom.
Today is 05/16/2024 at 4:56am
Yesterday I added food to my work day. It did seem to have an impact on mood stabilization. I was, at least on an emotional level, more stable. I have mentioned the role of diet on the regular day, it is clear that to really gain ground on having regular days food routines will need to be addressed.
One more thing that happened yesterday that is worth noting. One of my tasks each week is to mow the lawn, This is something that can be skipped on occasion without huge consequences, however it does pile up to be a big problem if you put it off too long. Due to lack of motivation, and lots of weather related issues (every time I was in the mood to do the lawn it was raining) I had been putting it off. Finally my wife said ok its time to do the lawn. It is amazing how that gentle nudge was all I needed to overcome all the resistance my mind had set up. Yes I was tired, yes rain was looming, but it was the right time to get it done, and my wife was in agreement. I zipped it out without resentment, even without any self motivation.
Here I go trying to draw conclusions from this tiny sample. And yes the observation has had a big impact on the data. But paying attention to my moods and its impact on my day might help me progress toward the goal.
Today is 05/22/2024 at 3:52am
Took a few days off. Paying too much attention to my mood and trying to evaluate it on a public forum is becoming counter productive. The truth of moods is that you mind is responding to life. Sometimes if you take a moment to question: "Why is my mood this way or that" you will come up with a reasonable explanations. Here is the point, in the long run do you really want your mood to dominate your day? The goal is having regular days that accumulate building a better life. Is it possible to be in a bad mood, but still have a regular day?
In the pursuit of the regular day minimize the impact of mood.
Diet: A good healthy diet will stabilize your mood.
Ingratitude: Undervaluing what you have will produce negative moods.
Overindulgence: Too much of a good thing is not so good.
Routines and schedules can become a prison, a balanced approach is better.
Misery loves company be careful when you share your misery.
Absolutely, I’d be happy to help you craft a detailed blog entry. Here’s a draft for your consideration:
Title: Navigating the Ebb and Flow of Daily Moods
Life is a constant flux of emotions, and our daily habits significantly influence the tides of our moods. As we sail through the sea of life, especially in our golden years, it’s crucial to anchor ourselves with practices that promote emotional stability and well-being. Here are some strategies to help you navigate the ebb and flow of daily moods:
1. The Nutritional Compass: Steering Towards Mood Stability A balanced diet acts as a compass, guiding us toward mood stability. Just as a ship requires the right fuel to journey across the ocean, our bodies need nutritious food to traverse life’s challenges. Incorporating a variety of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains can keep our mental and emotional ship steady.
2. The Treasure of Gratitude: Valuing Life’s Riches Ingratitude is like ignoring the treasure chest right beneath our feet. It’s easy to overlook the abundance we already possess, but recognizing and valuing our life’s riches can shift our mood from stormy seas to calm waters. Practice gratitude by acknowledging the simple joys – a shared laugh, a beautiful sunrise, or the comfort of a good book.
3. Moderation: Avoiding the Siren Call of Overindulgence The sirens of overindulgence sing a tempting tune, luring us away from the path of emotional balance. Whether it’s food, entertainment, or work, too much of a good thing can capsize our mood. Find harmony by setting limits and indulging in moderation.
4. The Rhythm of Routine: Dancing Between Structure and Spontaneity Routines provide a rhythm to our daily dance, but too rigid a schedule can become a prison. Embrace a balanced approach by allowing room for spontaneity and new experiences. This flexibility can bring a refreshing breeze to our sails and invigorate our spirits.
5. Sharing the Voyage: Selective Storytelling While it’s important to share our journey with others, misery often seeks companionship. Be mindful of whom you invite aboard your ship. Share your struggles with those who offer constructive support and positive energy, rather than those who might steer you into troubled waters.
As we continue our voyage, let’s remember that the power to navigate our moods lies within us. By adopting these strategies, we can set a course for a more balanced and fulfilling journey through life.
Feel free to adjust this draft to better fit your voice and the themes of your blog. If you need further customization or additional sections, just let me know!
Today is 06/05/2024 at 5:33am
Grabbed this from my Facebook.
Here I am again. Feeling a bit stretched, I know that is a symptom that my goals have become a bit too broad. Looking at the process of how I got to this point, I am starting to realize the true nature of how and why I am where and who I am.
Not long ago I posted that I needed to rethink my goals. Not exactly what needs to happen. What I really need to do is refocus my efforts on the core functions of the goals I set. Sure I accomplished the first few steps of those goals, and made some progress. That is the point that I should be narrowing the field and finding the clear path of accomplishment.
What I should be doing now is discovering the strengths I have, and maintaining them. Identify my weaknesses and minimize their impact. Be open to opportunities and guard against threats.
This post is far from complete, publishing with the intent to update.
*Credit to Microsoft Copilot for image based on a description input by John Clayton 2024
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